i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
