What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
