we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
