I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize