I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
