During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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