WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
