Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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