There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hippo gnu deer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
