Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
