dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the condom got lost in my hair
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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