I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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