I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish I only lived at night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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