her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
