Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
