Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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