last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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