I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
