quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize