she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
