My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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