on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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