I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
