Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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