k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
