So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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