Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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