hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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