This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
