i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
