Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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