be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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