Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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