Have you finally orgasmed yet?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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