yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
