The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
