She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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