I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We got so high we made milksteak
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
