I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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