Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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