Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
