I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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