Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
