So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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