oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
