Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize