Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
