remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
