I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
