still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
