Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
