did you get engaged???
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
