and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
