Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
