If i come over, it means nothing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
