I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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