Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
