I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
