Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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