He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
