I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
