today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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