so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
