I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
