I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't deserve a penis
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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