He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize