I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize