No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Small penises have feelings too.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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