just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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