Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
