"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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