Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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