Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
