Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the condom got lost in my hair
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
